No words to pen.

I do not wish to brag. That is not the goal. Lately I have been thinking of everything God has allowed me to do, and all of the opportunities He has given me; and I am AMAZED!
I feel so blessed, and undeserving. If God has allowed me to do everything that I have, in my life thus so far, and more particularly, in the last five years, I cannot even begin to guess at what is to come! I thank you Lord. No one loves me like you. No one loves me the way you do. No one loves me like you. No one loves me the way you do. (Jars of Clay)
You know, I"m just going to post the lyrics to that song actually.

Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurt
Only after sensing your love
For always ever burned

You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies

No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do

To touch the rose unfearful
Is to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more

Took some time to realize I've fallen


With that in mind, I feel ever so much blessed and loved. I think this is the reason I have not posted in awhile. When I have the inspiration to write, I am too overwhelmed with His love that I simply have no words to pen.

// I tried to write a list of things I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity, but I had to stop and erase it. I really can't write a list as such. It would never end!

I love. No specifics, just that. I love.

*Sigh.*
I wanted to write in my blog about three hours ago, but then I decided to start working on my outreach slideshow instead. Right now I'm deliberating over whether to write or not. I know if I choose to write I'll be up for at least another hour, and I wanted to be in bed an hour ago...

Alas. Guess what I chose.
I suppose one of the things that comes with loving people, is losing people. Everyone has lost someone. And losing someone doesn't even have to mean a heartbreak, or death, or a big fight or something. For me, I feel like I've lost so many people dear to my heart simply because they live thousands of miles away! Even those people I only knew for a week and we couldn't even speak the same language and could barely understand each other. Why is it that sometimes these people touch us the most? As consolation, even though it doesn't really make me feel better now, I can't wait to embrace these people once again in heaven! Which reminds me, and I'm going to remind you, Pray for those people who do not yet know Christ as their savior!! You're doing them and yourself a favor! Really actually, you would be doing the worst for them if you didn't. Whoa, kinda side-tracked there; Hopefully I didn't guilt trip you, because I don't like it when I feel that way, I just wanted to encourage you. :)
Ahh once again I lost what my point was going to be...
Meh, Oh well. On another note, I decided what I will be doing next fall! School, College, University, whatever it is you call it. I know this is the right choice, and I'm so happy that I know that! And I know it won't always be easy, but it's the thing I'm supposed to do and won't regret!
I've been looking through pictures of DTS and outreach so very much today, and I want to share one with you. I'm not really sure why this picture is the one, but it is. This is a little girl from the Street Kids Camp in Russia. I'm so bad with remembering all of the names from outreach :(

Do you crave sugar?

LOL.
This is kind of interesting. Has nothing to do with anything. Thanks Yahoo!

http://health.yahoo.net/rodale/PVN/10-tactics-for-overcoming-sugar-addiction

My drug of choice.

I'm going crazy. It's 1:40 in the morning and I'm starting this. I know I will regret it when the beep beep beeping of my alarm goes off in less than five hours, but at this point, writing is my only hope.
My mind feels like a racehorse right now. A racehorse on crack.
I made the mistake(unknowingly) of thinking about outreach and the people I met and the relationships I built and the feelings I have towards the people I met; good feelings, just to clarify. I began to think of all of the amazing things that God did over DTS; which got me thinking on how to tell the stories when I have people over, or when I share in chapel. And that did it. My mind won't stop going, and going, and going. Like a stupid energizer bunny. It goes from one amazing thing to the next. It goes from one story to another. It goes from one person I met, to another impacting relationship. I've lost hope of actually going to sleep anytime soon. In fact, if I let my mind just keep going while I continue to lie in bed in hopes of falling asleep, I fear it will be like putting wood on a fire, and just make it worse. So here I am. Trying to distract myself.

While I was at the mall today, I realized my drug in life. This is going to sound strange and possibly slighly creepy. My drug of choice is people. I love people. I love people watching. I love everthing about a person. I love short people and I love tall people. I love people with dark skin and I love people with light skin. I love people who are confident in themselves, and I love people who are insecure. I love people who speak English, and I love people who don't speak a lick of it. There is something about me I'm not quite sure how to describe that just indefinately loves people! I wish I could know everything about a person, their story. The girl that passes me in the store. The older man who looks fragile. The kid who looks like he knows far too much beyond his years. Even the little children who do not yet have stories, I want to know what their stories will be one day. I love people.
I know that my love for people is a gift from God. Sometimes, I think this love is overwhelming; but mostly, I believe that many people in this world do not know how to receive love, because they know not who or what True Love is. This is one of the things that saddens me the most. I want to help people understand True Love.
In short for example, the following video. Or rather, its a long one...


There is so much I wish to do for people, I don't even have a clue where to start. I guess it all begins with everyday living, and the relationships I have built and am building. But still, I desire to do something more drastic! I am rarely satisfied it seems...
To quote Natasha Bedingfield in her song "If You're Gonna Jump" (which, I want to write a whole other blog entry on some of her songs...),

"I got a short attention span
Can't sit around couch potato land
I wanna do all kinds of stuff
Talking about it's not enough
I wanna go to the extreme
I wanna stretch my limousine
I wanna take it way off road
Go where I'm not supposed to go"

Basically, she's says how I feel in those lyrics. Especially: "...I want to do all kinda of stuff, Talking about is not enough. I want to go to the extreme..."

Ya dig?

Typewriter tattoo.

I'm really bummed because I want to stay up and write tonight, but I have to report to jury duty at 8 in the morning. I have so much I would like to write here, and in my personal journals (yes, more than one, because I have journals for different things lol). I wish I would remember to set aside like two hours each night to write before the desired time to be in bed. I now better understand Danielle's typewriter tattoo...

I'm reading a book.

Yay for books! I love reading real books, or books about real things, however they are labeled, because they always inspire me. And I love quotes, and I often get alot of them from books.
Well first off, I wanted to share something that was in the book simply because I think it's funny. The author of the books is Janet L. Folger; I'm not going to say the title of the book, because it's kind of cheesy, and well, slightly embarrassing. I know I know, that's not 'proper citation' without the title, but hey, I'll even throw in the page number! It's number nine.
Here's the line from the book:
"[My friend Andy] asked a girl to meet him at a bookstore for their first date, and while she was waiting she bought I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He never saw her again. ... Maybe next time he'll show up on time."

Now onto something completely different. I'm not sure how to get this all down and flow together and make sense (maybe because its two in the morning), but it makes sense in my head.
First off, I'll be honest, for awhile there since being home I didn't keep up my regular quiet time. And really, I quite rather forgot about it for awhile. I'm really bad with that, when I move places (i.e., back home), my habits don't go with me or something. I want to thank my friend Stewart for asking me about it when we were talking online, because I really had forgotten about it and he reminded me, and I was like, "Oh yeah, that's what I've been missing!" Life just seems to flow better when you have time with God.
Also, another honest moment. Coming back home is extremely hard! Now I can't remember where I was going with this....
Oh yeah! It's like, I was doing all of this stuff, and then I come back home and it seems like life just STOPPED. Even though I have some direction as to what I'm going to be doing here, I felt like I had none. I felt like I'm just wasting time here. And I'm not saying that those feelings have completely left yet. It's difficult! But spending that time with God really has helped to inspire and encourage me for the ministry I have felt called to be doing here. (Pregnancy Care Center) But there is one passage of scripture that I God keeps reminding me of. I seem to be reading it everywhere! And let me tell you, it is so encouraging. Even my sponsor child wrote this verse in a letter she sent me!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Every time I come across this verse lately, it's like a billboard sign to me. At this point in my life (and as you can read in my previous post), I'm not exactly sure of even what I will be doing a year from now. It's hard not knowing or having solidified plans! But I know that if I follow God's leading, everything will be alright. It will work itself out somehow. God knows the plans He has for me. Not only does he have PLANS for ME, but He KNOWS them! And they aren't just plans for my future, but plans to PROSPER me (Prosper; to flourish or thrive. to be successful), plans to not harm me, plans to give me HOPE and a future!. I don't know my future, but my future is in God's hands and His plans is to make it darn good!
And another verse. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes everything to work out together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Another comfort, that if I know I'm following God's will, it'll all be OK! Even if in this world, people don't understand why I may not have set plans and I may seem irresponsible, truth is, I'm letting myself be open to God, and from what I know, I'm pretty sure that's gonna provide me with the best outcome!
And again, yet another verse. By the way, these verses (but not the commentary) were also compiled in the book I'm reading... I don't know if that really matters or not because they're originally from the Bible...
Psalm 103:1-5
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Do you not feel utterly loved from reading that?! I know I do!
Let's break it down.

Definitions of praise (n)
1. worship: worship and thanks to God or a deity
2. express admiration for somebody or something: to express approval or admiration for somebody or something

Definitions of soul (n)
1. the complex of human attributes that manifests as consciousness, thought, feeling, and will, regarded as distinct from the physical body
2. feelings: a person's emotional and moral nature, where the most private thoughts and feelings are hidden
3. spirit surviving death: in some systems of religious belief, the spiritual part of a human being that is believed to continue to exist after the body dies.

So did you get that part? We worship God, express admiration for Him with our soul, where the most private thoughts and feelings are hidden, which we will be able to continue to worship God with in Heaven.

His benefits:
To forgive..
1. pardon somebody: to excuse somebody for a mistake, misunderstanding, wrongdoing, or inappropriate behavior
ALL our sins
1. transgression of theological principles: an act, thought, or way of behaving that goes against the law or teachings of a religion, especially when the person who commits it is aware of this
2. shameful offense: something that offends a moral or ethical principle
To redeem us from HELL
Definitions of redeem (vt)
1. make something acceptable: to make something acceptable or pleasant in spite of its negative qualities or aspects
2. restore reputation: to do something that changes a negative opinion to a positive one
3. atone for human sin: to pay for the sins of humanity with death on the Cross
He pardons us from our inappropriate behavior, our shameful offenses that we knowingly commit, and then He makes something acceptable and pleasant out of us despite our negative qualities. By dying a painful death on the cross.
He crowns us as if we were royalty with Love and Compassion.
He gives us unconditional love.
1. Compassion: sympathy for the suffering of others, often including a desire to help; kindheartedness.
He loves us no matter what we've done, and He wants to help us in every way that He can.
He satisfies our desires,
Definitions of desire (vt)
1. wish for something: to want something very strongly
3. request something: to wish for and request something
With good things
1. Good: of high quality: of a high quality or standard, either on an absolute scale or in relation to another or others
Not only does he want to satisfy our desires, but with good things; things of high quality!

I hope you feel as loved as I did from that passage!

This post took longer than I thought it would...

Two quotes.

Two random quotes I found and like.
Read.
Enjoy.


"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking
together in the same direction."

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery


"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five
minutes longer."

- R.W. Emerson

Not very interesting to the common folk. Or any folk, most likely.

I don't have anything interesting to say, sadly.
I wanted this to be like an instantly exciting blog; it will just take some time.

This is what I feel like: gargle blarg apsldkafjpoce;p.
I want to go to college.
I want to go straight into missions.
I obviously can't do both at the same time.
Everytime I think I've decided what I want to do fall of 2011, the opposite idea pops into my head again and I'm left sitting there not having any idea which to do.

So tonight, I was researching YWAM minisitries and schools, and places in the world, etc. I decided that I really want to go on an around the world trip and visit so many places and see where feels right! But, I just got this feeling of PATIENCE, again. It's not the first time I've had this feeling from God. Along with that and the repetitive feeling that I need to go to college, I went to go fill out the application, finally. When I went to go find the application, I had the feeling that YES, this was right, for right now- because the thigns I'm going to study and learn at college are going to be vital to the rest of my life. So I was like, 'alright cool. I'll do it. I know that I want to study these things, and I know that if I don't go to college soon, I probably never will. (If I get involved with other things/ministries and have a hard time leaving, or the feeligns of being too old, whatever, etc.)" Another rant; one of THE biggest problems I have with committing to going to college is the number: 4 YEARS. I'm much of a forward thinker. When I'm doing one thing I've been looking forward to for forever, I'm not living much in the moment, but rather looking forward to what's next. My mind is always reeling with new ideas and new plans, and I have THE HARDEST time imagining myself 'locked down' to something for four years!! Especially when I love just doing things; and I want to go all over the world and do things for God!
Oh yeah, back to what I was saying.
So I get to the website, finally trying to commit, and do what I felt was right. I go to log in, and find out I already have log-in information because of the universal college application form things. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. But I cannot remember my username or password. I have them send an email to tell me what my username is, but the email account I've used to communicate with colleges, sign up for scholarships, etc has been 'deactivated because I haven't logged in in the last 4 months.' Well, Piss. I reactivate the account, but have lost all emails. So I get the message giving me my username, but now cannot for the life of me figure out what my password is. So, I also have them email me a temporary password so then I can reset it. But the temp password does nothing! It won't work for anything. So I get a second temp password. Still no luck. FRUSTRATION HAS HIT. I have no idea how I can ever again log in if this won't work! And I can't quite make another account because they need my first and last name, hence how they knew I already had an account when I DID try and make a new account- all to just start filling out a college application!!
So, here I was, trying to be responsible for once, and get something done that needs to be, and I got no where. Rather, I think I back-tracked.
And I still have no idea about next fall now.


"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying ay-oh, gotta let go."
Thank you Taio Cruz, you just made it in my blog.

So. Whatever. I think I'm gonna go have an ipod dance party.

And to finish off, a quote for the day:
"To be right with God has often meant to be in trouble with men." AW Tozer

Peace out girl scout. ♥

A Gaelic Blessing.

I just re-read a letter from my Compassion Child and this was in it. I've heard it before, but love it!

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

traditional gaelic blessing