Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs on my head;
many are my enemies without cause,
those who seek to destroy me.
I am forced to restore what I did not steal.
You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you.
May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the Lord Almighty;
may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel.
For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face.
I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons;
for zeal for your house consumes me,
and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.
When I weep and fast,
I must endure scorn;
when I put on sackcloth,
people make sport of me.
Those who sit at the gate mock me,
and I am the song of the drunkards.
But I pray to you , O Lord,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.
Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me.
Answer me, O Lord, out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
Come near and rescue me;
redeem me because of my foes.
You know how I am scorned, disgraced
and shamed;
all my enemies are before you.
Scorn has broken my heart
and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none.
Psalm 69:1-20
God has a way with words, and with showing me something that I was already feeling.
I've been listening to the song Swim by Jack's Mannequin on repeat.
It's not that I feel hate from people. But hate equals feelings of pain, emptiness, and loneliness to me, and I can recognize with that.
Which leads to the next section I italicized.
"I am a stranger to my brothers"
In this case, brothers meaning friends, companions, those I love.
I feel like I have no one here that is on the same page as me!
My friends, and best friends, I love them to death, but their decisions and actions are not falling in line with mine. I'm tired of having to feel the need to babysit them or take care of them all the time.
One of the most painful and frustrating things in life is to watch someone you love make bad choices; each time that happens, I think you actually grow apart a little. I feel my friendships are like someone non-flexible who is trying to do the splits.
I feel like there is no one that can recognize what I'm going through or where I'm headed! (apart from some wonderful people who just don't live here)
I have friends who say they want to make a change in their life, or they don't feel like they have any direction, or they know that what they've been doing is wrong and want to change. Yet they do nothing to change! It's driving me crazy! It's like nothing I do or say means anything. It's like nothing God says means anything. And therefore I feel like I am a stranger to my own brothers and sisters in Christ. Because there is no equal fellowship.
Lately I have been meeting a lot of new people. But unfortunately I can see the grasp that Satan has on their lives as well, in one area or another. I need someone new and uplifting, someone fresh. Someone who doesn't want to get wasted every weekend. Someone who isn't desperate to be in a relationship. Someone who is respectful.
Without sounding pathetic, yes, I AM lonely. Very Lonely. Lonely for someone to relate to, on a personal, emotional, and spiritual level. And I have been for many months now.
And this passage falls exactly in line to how I'm feeling, very specifically, how I'm feeling today.
I love people. I love everyone I know. And I think that's why it's the most painful, because I cannot find someone out of them who can completely recognize with me.
I'm not usually the kind of person to put myself out there like with some of the things I just said. But I guess it's just come to the point where I feel like I have nothing to lose, maybe because I feel like everyone around me is just that far gone from me..
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