Living in the future present tense.

Live in the present.
Live in the present.
Connect with people on a personal level. (i.e. get away from technology and be PRESENT with one another.)
Live in the present.
Rely on God for my strength.

These themes have been on repeat for me this week. I feel like their words have been screaming at me! Every blog that I've read has been about being humble, being present, and above all else- focus on God first.

Living in the present is something I've found great difficulty in, even though it is something I want to do. It is so hard for me to not focus on the future or look forward to what might be ahead! And to some extent, I blame that on the stage of life I am in; often I'm required to plan ahead, to get paperwork filled out in advance, to apply for things ahead of time, etc. To put aside thoughts about the future is sometimes too difficult for me to grasp.
There are just some things which need preparation, and need to be thought about ahead of time.
I am trying to learn what a balance between the two looks like.

As I'm preparing for my trip to El Salvador, I am also trying to keep up with my homework. I am thinking about applying for scholarships next year (thinking, because I have yet to find the time to actually apply). I am trying to figure out my four-year grad plan to make sure I am signing up for the right classes at the right time. I am looking into studying abroad in Uganda for the spring semester of next year (!!!!). And all the while I don't even have a clue how I am going to return to Simpson in the fall, financially speaking. It's hard to go at it one step at a time when I feel like deadlines are approaching and screaming at me telling me I need to have it all figured out. And that I need to have all the answers. And I need to have all the money.

So while these things are on my mind, I am also realizing that so much is out of my control, and there's really not much I can do but to trust God!

And I'm also having to come to the terms that whatever happens, happens for a reason. And despite my immediate (and potentially a bit longer lasting) feelings, everything will work out for God's glory. And it will be ok. (Even though while writing that it is so hard to fully grasp the meaning!)